Why Trying Something New Feels Hard

Hi, I’m Susan, the Peterborough lead for How Are You Cambridgeshire & Peterborough. Part of my job is to find things in the community that boost wellbeing and create content for the How Are You Peterborough website and for social media. This usually involves visiting the group, activity or service and meeting new people in a new place and sometimes doing something I’ve never done before – from bowling to digging compost!

I have a great job, except for the fact that I find it really difficult to get out of my own door (and my comfort zone) to try new things: meeting and talking to new people, wondering if I’m saying/doing the right things and how people feel about me being there. I hardly ever went to new groups or activities before this job, and I often have to talk myself into going to familiar places with people I already know! People I know or I have met through my job might be surprised to hear that, because once I get there, I almost always start enjoying myself…it’s just getting motivated that can be challenging.

My job for the past 4 ½ years has been like a kind of exposure therapy, where I have worked up to the point of going to new groups or activities sometimes two or three times a week. Has this become any easier? Yes, but I still have to make myself go despite all my positive experiences. I have talked to lots of people along the way about how they summon up the energy, courage and motivation to try something new and read lots of books and articles about why this can feel so hard, and I thought I’d share the tips I’ve picked up and tested, in case they might help someone else who finds trying new things a struggle:

1. Go with a friend. This makes going to a new group far easier for me! But that’s not often possible, so…

2. Contact the group leader beforehand. Find out about what to expect, practical things like where to park, clothes/shoes/equipment needed and so on – forming a little bit of a connection to someone who will be there really helps. You can even say you’re nervous and see if someone can greet you and get you settled when you arrive – in my experience, most group or activity leaders are very understanding.

3. Don’t wait to ‘feel motivated’. Make a plan and do it! If I waited until I felt like doing something, I’d probably never leave my house. Honestly. The trick is to make a plan and then not think about it, just do the steps needed to go. If I think about it, the worry can set in and stop me from going, as I’ll find any excuse.

4. Be interested. I used to tie myself in knots worrying about what I would say to people, but what I’ve learned is to focus on them instead and find out what they have to say. Most people have interesting things to share, like things they are doing now, or have done in the past, places they’ve been to or plans for the future. When I stop thinking about what I’ll say and instead pay attention to the other person, I find conversation flows much more easily.

5. Join a group that links to one of your hobbies or interests. If doing something that is purely social or involves a lot of chat feels too daunting, it may be easier to join a group that links to a hobby or interest we already have and where the focus is on doing something. It makes conversation easier when you share the same interests and enthusiasms as someone else! You can find groups or activities like this on How Are You Cambridgeshire & Peterborough websites or try searching Meetup – a website that allows people to set up and find groups of like-minded people.